Truths about me..

~I hate myself for not being able to hold in how i feel about ppl. If I love you I say it. I hold it in for as long as I can and then I just let it out. I wanna fake it like other ppl do.

~The last girl i said I love you to may very well be the last. The words don't mean anything to me now..don't think i'll HONESTLY feel this way about anyone else.

~I can hardly listen to a song or watch a movie about love without crying. Because i'm thinkin about one person when stuff comes up like a sickness.

~I forced myself to stop crying..worked for a little over a month.

~I thought the last girl I talked to was the one for me. Like really I wanted to have her babies, do the name change, put a diamond on her finger(yep stupid me). Didn't know you could be wrong about that but i guess she wasn't feelin it.

~I hate when ppl tell me they love me and don't spell it out. Ex. I luv u, I love u...if you love me you can spell it out. (I'll take I love yu..and MAYBE 143, ily..idk why these are okay)

~I still have soo many unanswered questions and stuff I want to say but I won't. You get tired of talkin and tryin to make ppl talk back.

~5% of me still believes in fairy tale endings in real life I mean.

~I wish I could make my feelings go away. Or have a rewind button.

~Despite what ppl think i'm satisfied with ONE girl. I like attn from the one person that means the most to me.

~I don't give up ppl i love easily but sometimes I do, I don't like to give up on stuff I think is real. Especially if i'm the only one willing to work on things.

~I don't think ppl ever wanna work to for anything anymore. They just run instead of dealing with issues and workin them out.

~Ppl call me pretty all the time..it doesn't really mean much to me unless someone I have feelings for says it.

~I'm seriously lookin into gettin a mail order bride. Don't think i'm goin to get married for love anymore. I don't think thats an emotion i'm capable of anymore.

~Everytime a situation goes south with a girl I reevaluate what I did. {ex. did everything for this last girl..took care of her when she was sick, came everytime she called, did the flowers thing, whatever she needed or wanted I did..NEXT GIRL.....THAT SHYT WILL NOT HAPPEN. NOT AT ALL.}

~I'd rather read than go to a club. Dead ass.

~I'm happiest when i'm with my friends..they know exactly what to do and say..I laugh ALL DAY when i'm with them.

~I don't know how to watch my mouth. I say whatever to anyone...and if I spare your feelings it must mean I care about you and I don't wanna hurt your feelings.

lesbians and relationships

Alright this blog is on my DL but i'm postin it here so its kinda old but the meaning is still there...

To understand this blog you have to understand me. Besides having a successful career there's nothing I want more out of life than to be a wife and mother excuse me a loving, faithful wife and A wonderful mother.

So heres my issue... The lesbian community or most of it have these relationships that seem like they're gonna last and they don't. Like I'll get on here one day and like "aww they're a cute couple" then the next week they've broken up and the chick has another female on her page talkin about how much she loves her. WTF!?!? If i'm in love with someone I'm in love with them i'm not gonna be at another girl sayin that shyt a week later, even if we did break up. I'm never one to see a couple and say"I want a relationship like that" cause you never know whats goin on behind closed doors. I don't wanna say that i have no faith in marriage and relationships but everytime someone says they're engaged or married I automatically think "How long is this gonna last?" If you really think about it shyt doesn't last like it used to. This even goes for straight ppl. Like the older ppl that have been together for 20 and 30 years what the hell happened to that??

Maybe i'm naive or something but I don't wanna have a failed marriage, when i get married its not gonna be fake its gonna be the real deal. I wanna get old with someone. I want my wife and I to be the couple that everyone admires but we'll have our shyt together. When i'm with someone i'm with someone, marriage is a big ass step not to be taken lightly. I'm not gonna run at the first sign of trouble see like everyone claims to be a "ride or die", "wifey type" all of that other stuff she probably not. Be real sit back and look at that girl she's probably not eveything she says she is. I don't just wanna be infatuated with my woman cause that can go away. I wanna be unconditionally in love and feel completely secure with the person i marry. I AM THE PROTOTYPE, the woman you want to marry and call your WIFE not wifey cause thats some play-play shyt but, anyway i'm done.

I just had to get that off my chest ya'll.

Examples of these "great couples" ppl wanna be like::

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith-urmz...they bring other ppl into their bedroom. Threesomes and shyt. They have an "open relationship", she says if she sees a tabloid with him and another woman, she's not mad cause she already knows about it. They're NOT monogamous if you want that go ahead.

Beyonce' and Jay-Z-It took this nigga what?!!? Like 20 years to get her to marry him, cause she was soo into her career. Be real a wedding doesn't take that long and she just came out with that damn CD, marriage didn't slow her down.

Rihanna and Chris Brown(not married)-as cute as they look together and they do look cute. Do ya'll really think thats gonna last? What are they like..8? They're like the couple on high school everyone wanted to be. If it lasts with all the stuff they have to deal with. MORE POWER TO THEM. *update*--you see what happened. you still wanna be like them?

Barack and Michelle Obama-Now from the looks of it they do have a good, solid relationship. Not too much shady shyt can be done if you're running for president it would've came out already. I applaud them keep it up...PLEASE. Give me some hope.

Ellen and Portia-I love them!!! Hope they make it work.

*update*...i feel like givin up on this....its not real.